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Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
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8:03p - this happened. really. no, really.
"Look, I know I can be stupid, and hesitant, and I'm terrible with money, so I'm not saying anything needs to happen right now. Right now I'm in a pretty terrible place, but I think I need you.
I mean, I guess that sounds a little drastic. I like you a lot, and I know I need something. I need someone. You seem like a better 'someone' than just anybody off the street."
"Why me?"
"I don't know really. I mean, if I wanted to be totally honest about it: I don't even know you. If it was easy to pick something about you and name it, then it would be wrong. If it was something so explicit I could just isolate it then I'd just keep you at arms length like everyone else. I'd keep you around for that. It'd be the same as if I sliced off that part of you and kept it in a jar on my nightstand. After I had it down to a singular culture of this-or-that, we'd start having problems tomorrow, or next week. Sometime soon. It's not that easy."
"Well, I'm not pretty-"
"You are though."
"I let you talk, now let me."
I laughed. "Alright."
She started again "I'm not pretty. I'm not that smart - not as smart as you anyway. I'm not good with directions. I have trouble making my car payments every month. I'm not really good with anything in particular; but here I am: 2 AM, missed my bus, no money, I wake up on your shoulder, and you hit me with this?"
"Too much?"
She smiled "Not at all."
And that was that. With no car, a job that didn't give me enough hours, 20$ in my pocket, and a little over six hours before I could try to get us home: my head was finally clear.
I leaned down and kissed her, then handed her my book. "I'm going to get some coffee. You want anything?" She shook her head and her bangs fell over her face. She tucked them behind her ear and smiled at me. "Alright." I turned and walked away from her.
I never saw her again.
- - -
When I got back, she was gone. My book and my sweatshirt - which she'd been wearing - were sitting neatly on top of one another where she should have been. They looked they belonged there. Like they should have been holding a sign with my last name on it, waiting for me to get off a bus.
I felt like I'd just been hit by one.
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